Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
