you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Please don't give away my fajitas
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
