I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
