if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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