Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
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Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
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I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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