Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
