I smell stomach acid.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
