My hand turned me down
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
