I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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