Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
