she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
