I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
