this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
