now i know why i became what i already was.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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