Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
