I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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