Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
