I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i would punch a child for taco bell
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
