Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
