even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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