i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
