Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
