walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize