and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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