I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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