I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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