I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
