Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
