For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
