I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
