Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
