I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
