i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
