I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
we're making bets on your personal life
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
