my sisters under your porch take her home
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
