Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
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my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
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eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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