I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I just cut my nipple shaving
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
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