Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
