Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
