I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
