not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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