Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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