I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
