dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
