i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
