I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
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