he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
