Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
no, he came in my armpit
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
