I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
