if you like me you must not know who I am
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
