Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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