Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
