You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
