i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
