you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i think i scared a bird with my dick
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
