I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
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Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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