I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
