yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
