let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
