my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
