Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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