yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
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Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
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I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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