dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
