my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
