you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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