It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
