Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You can't just leave with hair like that
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Randomize
