Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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